Book recommendation "Seelenfraß - Wie Sie den inneren Terror der Angst besiegen"(Translation: "Soul junk - How you can conquer the internal terror of anxiety")
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"Anxiety is reduced through recognition" Psychiatrist Margot Schmitz on dealing with anxiety in the family |
Do you know who copes most badly with it? Housewives. Because many are continually driven by worries and agitations. They can't switch off, are afraid of not being able to properly manage the household duties, not being able to make money stretch, not being able to do what's best for the children. In addition, many of them suffer from a lack of recognition for their achievements. As a result, their feeling of self-worth sinks. The anxiety of being unable to cope increases further still.
The contrary exists: recognition reduces anxiety. It acknowledges strengths and abilities. It confirms that challenges are to be conquered, pushes power to the forefront and strengthens the feeling of self-worth. Therefore, how insecure and anxious we are is certainly dependent upon how we are treated by others - within the family, within the circle of friends, at work. That means that everyone, through their own behaviour, can contribute to others feeling less anxious. Precisely through love, recognition and compassion.
Many parents are plagued by the fear of not doing the right thing for their children. In addition to this, they exaggerate the likelihood that something could happen to them: on the way to school, whilst hanging out with friends, whilst cycling. More than three quarters of the parents, who have children aged between 6 and 14 years, sleep badly because they worry too much. They quickly infect the children with their anxieties. Children often have many anxieties anyway. The world is too vast for them. Development psychologists estimate that this applies to over 70 percent of the children. Children themselves still don't have sufficient resources and need a lot of support to be able to deal with their anxieties. Anxious parents strengthen the feeling in their children that life is something threatening. This must make children anxious. It prevents them from conquering the world for themselves. They try to avoid risks. However, in this way they never learn to calculate risks, and to overcome them.
To prevent children's anxieties from taking hold, parents must reassure them! They must help them to put themselves to the test, to approach difficulties and to solve problems. Children get annoyed by the control addiction of their parents. It aggravates them to be limited in the development of their independence. Children sense blockages. They are often unable to put their anger into words. It then blows up into sudden rage. And bewilders the protective parents. If they react in an authoritarian way, the children stash their anger away. With increasing explosive force.
It's more difficult still for teenagers. Flooded through with hormones. Unsettled by their sexuality. Confused by their feelings. Mood swings are a puzzle to them. They struggle for their identity, are susceptible to rigid group norms. Out of fear of not being accepted, hey orient themselves on these norms - in terms of looks and behaviour. When it is then considered "cool" to deny anxiety, they imprison themselves. It is better for them to learn to recognise their feelings. Then they are also able to take hold of the anxiety.
